Starting over isn’t as easy as everyone makes it out to be. It’s actually really, really hard.
And I’ve been failing miserably at it for over a year now.
Sure, I have a new job. I’m a single mom with two kids doing the best that I can. I’ve been on a few dates, and I’ve tried to meet some new people. I’ve tried to forget the past and just focus on the future.
But I still live in a house that I shared with my husband. I still use the things that we purchased together on a daily basis. I walk through the rooms and I am bombarded with memories of both happy and sad times spent together here.
I suck at starting over because I suck at letting go.
I think that you have to be able to let go to start fresh. And I’m unable to do that for so many different reasons.
I can’t throw out all of my possessions and start over with new ones like I would like to. I just can’t afford it. And even if I could, I still live in a house that we shared and the memories of that wont go away unless I move — which I am not in a position to do right now.
See my dilemma?
And honestly — even if I could move and start over with all new things, my heart still holds on. There are so many things I still hope for, things that I know are impossible, but again — letting go is hard.
So what do you do? How do you just let go of things that you had your heart set on for so long?
I want to start over. I want 2016 to be a year where I really grow and where I’m really and truly happy.
I don’t want to be stuck like I was all last year.
I know what I need to really move on … I need real answers and real reasons and truthful conversations. I need closure that I just haven’t gotten yet.
So I guess that is where my head is at today….